Laughs and Lobotomies

I love to bake and I have a sugar skull on my arm with a whisk and rolling pin behind it.

When people ask I tell them the tattoo is for the baking.

But that’s not why I got it.

Sure I like baking, and part of it is for that.

But the sugar skull is for an ex.

She had one.

I screwed up a good thing because I was a coward.

I told my partner this story. How I didn’t like her friend, her friend didn’t like me. She was very christian and a teacher. At the time I was heavily atheist and really didn’t like kids.

I wasn’t quiet about my thoughts on religion.

I also wasn’t a very good partner to her friend.

My partner tried to side with me, but I said no, I am the villain in this story.

Her friend was right about me. And she was entitled to her religion. She was teaching art in the inner city. She wasn’t a bad person, she was just concerned for her friend.

I was a coward. I didn’t want eyes on me. It was easy to only date men because it was expected. I came out for her, I was in love with her, but it was a lot.

So I lost a good thing. And I tried to reach out later but it was too late.

And I’m sorry I wasn’t a better partner.

And I hope she’s found someone who deserves her.

I don’t know that I deserve my partner, but I’m so damn grateful for him.