Laughs and Lobotomies

The obsession with being thin to land the perfect mate or job.

The refusal of a single piece of candy to watch your waistline.

Denying your identity because what will people think.

The need to be the best, whatever the best means.

The smartest.

The richest.

The most attractive.

The most successful.

The nicest house or car.

The most worshipped and adored.

I was one of you once.

I too, thought these things would make me happy.

But the hollowness only grew with each achievement.

The sense of failure accelerating with each win.

And it broke me.

And I decided I want to be able to live with the person I am.

I want kindness.

I want warmth.

I want a tiny corner of the world to call mine.

I want love.

Honesty.

Genuine people.

I am who I am and that is all that I am.

I will not lie on my deathbed and seek forgiveness.

Forgiveness is for now. And it is never owed to you. It is a gift when an apology is given.

It is not payment in kind for that apology.

And I ask you, when you are rattling off your last breath, will you think to yourself that your karmic debts are paid, that you lived the life you wanted, and that you had “enough”.

Or will you wish for more time, to live life for you instead of for others?

To try to make the world a little less harsh?

Or will you start today with small kindnesses?

And weep that you cannot do more?

I can’t fix the world.

I can only exist in it.