I think there’s this stereotype that abusers are abusive all the time.
And for most people, that just isn’t true.
Humans come in shades of grey.
Not every “abuser” is fully aware of the consequences of their behavior on others.
Or maybe they are, and they intersperse it with periods of being really really kind either out of guilt or to keep the person in their grasp.
Gaslighting is real.
And we are all “abusive” some of the time – bad day and you yell at the closest person to you for some minor irritation.
The straw that broke the camel’s back.
I think the difference is if you recognize it, apologize, and attempt to be better.
No one is perfect – and in keeping a person in your life you should ask yourself – does the good outweigh the bad?
I have plenty of trauma flashbacks.
And like I’ve said before – the worst flashbacks are the good memories.
Because how could they coexist with the others?
Where the fuck were you when I needed you?
How am I supposed to forgive when you aren’t sorry?
How do I move forward?
How do I take all these experiences and emotions and pain and make sense of them and build a life I can life with?
I don’t know. I’m still figuring that out.
Laughs and Lobotomies 