It doesn’t get easier. Wishing things could be different. Wishing you could forgive and forget – and even if you did that they would treat you the way you wanted to be treated. The way you should be treated.
It is never all good or all bad – that is not how these things work.
There are good memories, and bad ones.
And the good memories make the bad ones that much more painful.
Because it’s the how could you
And the no one will believe me
And the pain and heartache and anger trapped inside for so many years.
And the side they do not show to others.
The horror and the nirvana that no one can truly fathom.
It’s how you stay trapped.
How you think you’re going insane.
How can the same person be so truly wonderful and so evil?
And because they only show the one side, because it takes so long to peel back the mask, you are left so utterly alone.
And no one understands why you left.
I don’t judge you for leaving to try to find your peace.
I don’t judge you for struggling to leave.
I hope you find what you need – sometimes family has to be the one we make.
Never assume if you are outside looking in – that you know the whole story.
I hope you find peace this holiday season.
I pray God helps me find mine.
Laughs and Lobotomies 