https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2012&version=NCB
All that is said in darkness will come to light.
I am no saint but my sins are before you, the world and God. I do not hide them. Anything I take down is to release anger said in pain, in hurt. Keep your receipts. Thank you for reminding me. Old wounds should be sewn shut and left to heal.
Inheritance
If you speak truth and my brother wishes to have the only childhood home he has ever known he should have it. He was brought home from the hospital to that home. I remember his tiny hands and feet. So do you. We are older. We are too old to give grandchildren. He is not. It means something different to him. I do not have the condo in Fairfield you do not have Meredith Street. If you truly believe yourself a Christian he will have the house to raise his family. Whether or not he speaks to me ever again. My brother and father and I had happy memories there too. How can I forget his first steps? How can I forget holding him and feeding him his bottle? How can I forget going by Kels for the first time because my brother called me that? How can I forget him riding a bike for the first time? My old pink one with hearts? The hockey pucks through the window? The cuddles and the love of the baby brother I never thought I’d lose? All in that house. Give him his home.
I do not seek for heaven or hell I seek to wash my soul free of the hurt that plagues it. I used the lord’s name in vain in confession. It was not intentional but in hurt and pain. The priest was kinder than you. I just thought you should know. Call me devil all you want. I know my own sins and I know where I stand and if it is alone I am used to it. Keep throwing harm at me for what you forgive in others. Unfounded jealousy for a life you know nothing of.
If you kept receipts, then did you know how bad it was? Why did you not help? Why did you lie to my face? Why do you tell me what I lived through was a lie? I know what I felt. Call me liar. I believed you. I think you unkind. I think you lie to my face and build false testimony against me. I told you before to take the money. That I needed peace. You created chaos where there was none.
Leave us be. Take your stores of grain you save so that they may burn or wither and rot. Put your name on a building. Donate anonymously to the charity I asked. Give us enough so my husband may rest and we may start over. So he may grieve so I may grieve.
Or don’t.
Just leave us be and stop your jealousy of those who have so much less than you.
I didn’t ask for the life I have. It is a hard one.
Give my brother what he needs and leave us be.
I am weary.
I am hurting.
I’m not interested in fighting over things that don’t matter and you cause me hurt.
I am asking you to stop.
Laughs and Lobotomies 